Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 12 September 2009

image for Joe Wilson To Join Glenn Beck As His Co-Host
Beck and Wilson will be sitting next to each other and sharing the same mic (pictued above).

NEW YORK CITY - GOP political TV host Glenn Beck has just been told by The F Network (his boss) that starting next week his show will have a co-host. The man who will be sitting beside the Beckster is none other than Addison Graves Wilson, Sr., better know as Joe Wilson, representative from the great southern state that lies just below North Carolina, South Carolina.

Joey, as his aunt, grandmother, and mommy call him, said that he is proud as North Carolina tobacco to be able to sit in the same TV studio as his childhood idol, Glenn "I Don't Talk Fast, You Hear Slow" Beck.

Wilson the man who shouted out "You lie bro" to President Obama during his speech to the assembled politicians in the senate says that he himself has not lied since he was seven-years-old.

When asked what he lied about back then, he replied that he lied to his grandmother Puddles about liking her sauerkraut-flavored cornbread.

He said that it was the most pathetically horrible tasting food he had ever eaten but he told his Grandma Pudd that he loved the hell out of it.

He said that she was 102, and her elbows had fallen off, her two eyebrows had long since turned into one uni-brow, she now had hair in places where even monkeys don't, and her ears were starting to make some scary-ass sounds, kind of like Fran Drescher at a wrestling match.

Wilson was reminded of the fact that just last week he had told a reporter for ESPN that he was 52, when in actuality he is really 63.

"So?" Wilson replied.

The reporter shook her head and pointed out that he had lied about his age. Wilson laughed and remarked that lying about one's age technically does not really count as being a lie.

"What?" he was asked. And he answered by stating that a lie is really nothing more than the absence of the truth. He said that by the same token the truth is in reality nothing more than the absence of a lie or if more than one then it would be lies.

The reporter looked at him and said, "Sir with all due respect you are one F'ed up Dude. And you would definitely make one hell of a politician...oh wait, you are a politician. My bad."

Wilson then said that he really wanted to clear up all of this lying BS before he was misquoted and it would end up in the papers that he was advocating clubbing baby seals, drowning aged penguins, and starving sitting ducks.

He collected his thoughts and said that in a perfect world if lying about one's age actually fell into the category of being a categorical lie then surely 99.3 percent of all women in the United States could in essence basically be branded as liars.

Wilson grinned and said that he, for one was not prepared to refer to 99.7 percent of America's beautifully charming women as liars.

When Wilson was told that he had said 99.7 percent instead of 99.3 percent, he became somewhat indignant and sternly retorted, "That's what I said, 99.1 percent."

The representative from South Carolina who once voted to keep the Confederate flag flying over the South Carolina Senate House was asked how much he will be getting paid to co-host with Mr. Beck.

Wilson replied that what he is getting paid is nobodies effen business especially CNN's who he has heard receives as much as $600 a week from The Democratic Guild of Dem Fems, which is headed by Mimosa Pelosi, cousin-in-law of Speaker of The House Nancy Pelosi.

Glenn Beck was asked what he thought about getting a co-host. He smiled and said that he really did not want one but the producers had kind of told him that either he agrees to have a co-host or else he would find himself standing in the unemployment line with a lot of mad-as-hell non-Glenn Beck fans.

Beck did say that he had read up on Wilson and he was amazed to learn that back in his home state of South Carolina, he had voted to arm airline stewardesses.

Wilson was also instrumental in giving owners of expensive luxury cars such as Rolls Royce's, Bentley's, and Mercedes' a 90 percent reduction in their liability insurance.

Beck did say that Wilson had authored The Wilson-Lambicatto Bill which made it legal to roundup all of South Carolina's street corner dwelling homeless people and transport them by Greyhound Bus down to Georgia.

[EDITORS' NOTE: Larry King of rival CNN was asked what Joe Wilson will be getting paid to co-host with Glenn Beck and he replied that Wilson will get paid $900 a show plus free medical, half-price dental, two weeks paid vacation, and free membership in The Ann Coulter U.S. of A(nn) Fan Club.]

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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