Afghan politicians, drug lords, Taliban Chieftains, CIA informants and Al Qaeda fighters all stood in line today as the run on the Bank of Kabul extended into a second day prompting the major stockholder to call on the US for 'just another little bailout!"
Rumours have run rampant that the bank is insolvent after an independent investigator from The Spoof.com could find no trace of billions of dollars of deposits made by over a million clients who have profited from the nation's endless tribal wars.
Reports months ago of massive pallets of money being flown out of the capital on jumbo jets to Dubai under the Presidential Seal now seem to be confirmed after a cleaning company on retainer verified that 'all the vaults were clean as a whistle enabling us to finish our floor polishing in 20 minutes and still have time for a quick prayer."
Biggest stockholder in the bank just happens to be Mahmond Karzai the President's brother, who spends most of his time in his waterfront villa in Dubai confidant that the money will keep flowing to handle his every day needs and those of his immediate family, which is quite extensive.
Afghan watchers confirmed that the situation must be serious in order to get Mahmond to fly in on his private jet for a banking conference and to use his brother's hot line to the US to contact Secretary of the Treasury Tim Geithner
demanding that the US pledge to shore up the sagging financial institution.
The Bank was using NY accountant Ken Starr to provide financial statements to assure clients their money was safe, although those monthly statements have never been verified by an independent audit, nor has one been found since the bank is not required to file an annual report.
Star was recently arrested in NYC for defrauding multitudes of high profile celebrities including Carly Simon, Al Pacino and Sly Stallone of at least $59M, with his misappropriation accelerating along the same time line as the marriage to his 4th wife, a former pole dancer.
According to White House Sources a panicked Obama is now pressuring Geithner, Barney Frank and a retiring Chris Dodd to release the last $350M in unspent TARP funds to the bank calling it a "good will religious gesture to show the Muslim world America is not prejudiced and treat all third world despots equally!"
Press Secretary Roger Gibbs said the PR campaign to gain support under the guise of "MONEY FOR MUSLIMS" will kick off on "Hairball" with host Chris Matthews early tomorrow evening with an address to the nation by Obama preceding the show.
Gibbs vehemently denied that Starr was also the Obama's personal accountant and that the Obama's had entrusted Starr with the $5m from book advances, the $1m from the Nobel Prize Grant, or his windfall profits from selling GM, AIG, CitiBank, Merrill Lynch, Lehman Brothers or BP stock short.
And this just in from Reuters, 112 citizens in Kabul have been reported shot in the head as a hail of bullets from AK-47's fired by impatient depositors waiting in the queue to withdraw their funds are starting to fall to earth.
Stay tuned for more late breaking news on the Muslim Monetary Front.