Kenya Wants To See Glenn Beck's Birth Certificate Or Else They'll Kidnap Him And Turn Him Into Dinner

Written by Abel Rodriguez

Tuesday, 31 August 2010

image for Kenya Wants To See Glenn Beck's Birth Certificate Or Else They'll Kidnap Him And Turn Him Into Dinner
Glenn Beck, shown without his toupee, could end up feeding around 200 Kenyans.

NAIROBI, Kenya - The government of Kenya has written President Barack Obama and demanded to see political commentator Glenn Beck's birth certificate.

The Kenyan government said that they are fed up with being the butt of the world's jokes over the fact that Glenda Becky, as he is known in San Fransissyco, has hounded and hounded the American president about seeing his birth certificate.

The government of Kenya has stated that they have received a photo through the email of Barack Obama's birth certificate and it clearly shows that he was born in Honolulu's Good Sisters of The Good Coconuts Hospital on August 4, 1961.

Little Barack weighed 12 pounds and he was one of the biggest babies to ever be born on the Island of Oahu, other than Alohilani Kikilia, a female who was born on Labor Day back in 1973. Alohilani tipped the scales at 19 pounds.

Hospital employees can still recall the unbelievable hollering and screaming that was coming from Alohilani's mother Pililani Havika Kikilia.

The Honolulu Daily Lei wrote that people living as far away as eight blocks from the hospital could hear Mrs. Kikilia's tremendously loud screams.

A representative for the Kenyan government Jilibu Mankeenfu has made it very clear that if Mr. Beck does not produce his birth certificate with 72 hours, members of Kenya's notoriously infamous Black Berets Jungle Rangers will kidnap him, take him back to Nairobi, and put him in a big boiling pot and cook his sorry ass and of course the rest of him as well.

SIDENOTE: Glenn Beck has said that he has never been afraid of hot water and in fact he has been in it many, many times. He also added that in order for the famed Black Beret Jungle Rangers to take him back to Kenya they have got to catch him first and he says that he is one of the fastest runners in his apartment building.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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