Written by Morse

Monday, 7 June 2010

image for Calderon Rehires Van der Sloot to Relaunch New Mexican Tourist Incentive: Lose Your Heart In Cancun!
Mexico's "Have a Heart' Tourist Campaign Seems to be Working as Murders Mount!

Mexico's murder rate went up by six this weekend, now topping 22,600 since 2006, with the discovery of 6 more victims, three who had their 'hearts ripped out' as part of Felipe Calderon's incentive to promote tourism while criticizing Arizona's crack down on violent illegal aliens as "inhumane.'

The victims were found inside a popular tourist attraction a few miles from exotic Cancun, a romantic hotspot for many California vacationers, where many spring breakers lost their virginity, but rarely their life until the unprecedented anarchy of drug cartels running rampant in the now lawless country.

Mexico's efforts to promote tourism has been a comedy of errors ever since last year's promotion featuring Joran van der Sloot in widely seen advertisements geared toward luring more US female spring breakers to the sun, but now blood drenched, shores of the troubled and corrupt country.

The tourism bureau had just rehired van der Sloot to front some new commercials prior to his arrest for yet another murdered girl, this time in Peru. Officials say they will use 'old' footage of Joran so as not to interupt his Peruvian Vacation. "Joran is HOT, and Joran SELLS" said a tourism official, apparently not concerned that he has been linked to 2 murders.

"Two....that's nothing, we do about 23 a day" crowed the spokesman.

Van der Sloot left his job as junior Assistant Minister of Tourism shortly after 4 young women had gone missing after he led them on a diving and snorkeling tour off Cabo San Lucas in a 56' high speed yacht reportedly owned by a mysterious drug lord with connections to the government.

Investigators say the mystery is similar to the case involving teenager Natalee Hollaway missing in Aruba after Joran was said to have been seen 'showing her around'. Later reports from van der Sloot himself hinted that he had sold her into slavery to a shadowy 'middle eastern tycoon'.

Joran was later linked to a connection in Thailand specializing in bilking unwary cab drivers in the UK on Holiday with Thai "Lady Boys' as well as underage girls forced into prostitution. Joran bragged on one of his many US TV interviews that he was making a handsome living off his commissions acting as a 'middle man' for the Sex transactions with Brits with "more pounds than brains."

Popular Mexican singer and political commentator Trini Lopez Jr, grandson of the famous singer of the same name, has just come out with a new song already rocketing up the charts on a pirate radio station broadcasting just past the 12 mile limit. His parody of "I left my heart in San Francisco' is said to be blasting from every boombox in drug cartels' low riders as they cruise the barrios looking for yet more victims in their 'ethnic cleansing' vendettas.

Oliver Stone, fresh off his tribute documentary to Venezuelan Nacro-Dictator Hugo Chavez starring soon to be single Al Gore in the title role, with Sean Penn as his confused, but environmentally correct gay lover, is said to be focusing his next movie epic on Calderon and a romantic take on Mexican Family Values.

George Clooney said he may be interested if Stone can pry Angelina Jolie away from Brad Pitt for the 6 month shooting schedule and provide adequate security during the filming.

Meanwhile back in Washington, El Presidente Paco Obama promised to release more money to the cash strapped Mexican government to aid their tourism program, and according to Stone, agreed to appear in the film in a cameo role as Poncho Villa with a deep tan.

Dems in Congress led by Nancy Pelosi continue to slam Arizona's efforts to curtail kidnapping, murder, and drug crime by violent Mexican Criminals labeling it "heartless."

The ACLU has announced it will 'rigorously defend' sociopath Joran, and will fight demands for extradition from Peru to face extortion charges involving providing the location of Holloway's remains for $250,000.

The Duchess of York was heard to exclaim "He's nothing but a cheap whore," when she heard about the Joran's demands, "he could have got way more than that...what an fooking idiot!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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