For hundreds of years prophets have predicted the end of the world sometime after 1994. In recent years this has been expected to occur more accurately around 2150 due to the latest translations of ancient scriptures and that we're still here in 2009. The current accepted theory for the end of the world is expected to come from space in the form of a meteor the size of Australia.
Today at the University of Ontario, students and scientists have confirmed that although they cannot deny the possible end of the world in 2150, they do not expect civilisation as we know it to still exist. Extensive studies on lab rats, poor students and tramps have guided experimental results to show that by 2016, some time on March 7th, the human race will run out of things to do. Such an event is expected to cause instantaneous death to all people capable of sensing the slightest amount of telepathic activity.
Professor Icke from the University of Ontario explained that, "this phenomenon will affect 97% of living humans, if you've ever felt someone in the room, tripped in your sleep, heard voices in your head, then you are probably within this 97% of the population." It has long been known that most peoples lives are meaningless and filled only with enough entertainment to keep them alive and sentient for the purposes of the wealthy and powerful. It can only be a matter of time before the minimum level of entertainment is no longer maintained and the inevitable happens.
He went on to say Scientists are working along side some of the best media and arts companies to slow the release of entertainment to ensure there is always something to do. Other departments are quickly drawing plans for foil lined telepathy blocking safety hats, expected to be mandatory for all tax paying citizens at least 30 days prior to the event.
These measures can only delay what will one day cause the end of the world as we know it. With or without war, famine, floods and even recession, we cannot avoid the fate of our kind. Current computer population control software predicts the longest we can stave off this event will be until 2034.
This report itself is expected to give the population on average an extra 2 minutes to live. We hope it didn't take you that long to read it.
