Taliban Kicks Off Early Voting in Afghanistan With a Bang

Funny story written by The San Francisco Onion

Wednesday, 5 August 2009

image for Taliban Kicks Off Early Voting in Afghanistan With a Bang
A typical US "fly-in" ballot, similar to those used by the Taliban.

KABUL, Afghanistan - At least eight rockets pummeled Kabul, the Afghan capital, shortly before dawn on Tuesday, as the Taliban kicked off early voting, said Afghan officials.

No one was injured by these tactical ballots cast for The Insurgent Party, said Najib Nikzad, a spokesman for Afghanistan's Interior Ministry.

"Obviously the target, the object was to disrupt the election process," Nikzad said, referring to what could be Afghanistan's second presidential and provincial elections, pencilled in for August 20.

One of the rockets reportedly struck the broad side of a barn within a mile of the U.S. Embassy.

U.S., NATO and Afghan security forces had previously launched a series of highly negative attack campaigns against The Insurgent Party in the run up to the election.

The results of a recent dust poll (they had no straw) seems to indicate Afghanistan's people are tired of bickering on both sides of the aisle, saying deadly, vicious squabbles like these only exacerbate problems in an already war-torn country, and are just one more example of "politics as usual" that does little to alleviate severe problems facing Afghanistan, including widespread famine in an economy based 80% on agriculture, unemployment above 50%, and a 15% infant mortality rate.

Nevertheless, both liberal NATO and conservative Taliban forces have vowed to continue their hard-line stances "for as long as it takes," calling success in Afghanistan their top priority.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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