US 'will lose another major offensive' in Afghanistan

Funny story written by matwil

Thursday, 2 July 2009

image for US 'will lose another major offensive' in Afghanistan
'If it's on TV, it must be true, Mom'

The US army says it will lost yet another major offensive against the Taliban, one of the world's major fighting forces, one that would make even the Waffen SS quake in its boots. About 400,000 Marines of the elite Kanon Foderer force are involved in the offensive, with support from 3 Afghan Tokeni soldiers.

Brigadier General Colonel Major Hollywood said the operation was different from previous ones, because 'this time we're going to win it, just as my name is Donald Duck, and the massive size of the Kanon Foderers will ensure victory on CNN news. And we're calling in our experienced Vietnam advisers to tell us just how to lose against another set of Third World people, but con our gullible citizens into thinking we're winning it, right up until the minute we lose it.'

A Taliban spokesman said they would laugh at the Americans, and that 'You'd think they'd have learnt by now that they're hopeless at fighting wars, but of course they need soldiers in wars to keep their delusions going on television news. The British and even Alexander the Great couldn't beat the Afghans, but the good old US of A will. Great comedy!'

A White House spokesman denied that American soldiers were simply dying in Afghanistan in an uneasy stand-off with the Taliban to ensure that opium supplies were safely delivered to the Western world, and said it was just coincidental that over 90% of the world's supplies come from Afghanistan. 'It's just coincidental, just like being in Iraq coincides with Iraq being the third largest oil supplier in the world.'

'Man, you'd have to be pretty dumb to believe Americans are in Iraq and Afghanistan for any other reason than oil and opium! Oh, hold on ... President Obama gives his regards, and has just reminded me that American soldiers are actually dying in those two countries for freedom and democracy, not for British and French colonialism. Whew.'

The people of Iran have been there for over 10,000 years, the British have been in Britain for 4,000, the French in France for 2,000, and the Americans have been in America for 232 years.

Wonder who knows more about conquering and colonising parts of the world. Barack Obama? When the US stops believing its own bullshit propaganda and stops trying to play at being world colonisers, and stops funding fascists in Israel and Latin America, maybe the rest of the world will respect it again.

Have a nice day. Few Palestinians, Iraqis, Afghans, or even Argentinians will.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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