Written by Chamone

Thursday, 30 July 2009

image for Local Woman Talks of the Perils of Sun Beds

Local woman Tania Foxx, 24 Windchester Road, has spoken publicly for the first time about her disastrous experiences involving sun beds.

The former 'least likely to achieve' nominee in her school yearbook, took to visiting tanning salons in order to put some colour in her cheeks before her sister's wedding last January. But Ms. Foxx's tanning sessions began to take over her life, and she eventually became addicted and suffered severe complications.

"I'm only 29 but look at me. My skin is hard and leathery like a crocodile and I look like Jordan or some freak show bimbo from Essex!", said an emotional Ms. Foxx.

Her job working 5 miles underground at a coalmine meant that she rarely saw daylight, so she was a pale as a ghost before her sun bed cravings took over.

"I became addicted to all kinds of lights, not just sun beds. I would stand for hours beneath a street lamp at night just so I could feel those rays hitting my skin. One time I even stuck my head in the microwave to top up my tan", she added.

Dermatologists have said that Ms. Foxx has a face like a slapped arse and several local lads have agreed - but they would still 'give her one' if they were pissed out of their minds.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Topics: Local, Tan




Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
64 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more