Local pensioner Tom Baxstard, 82, has been struggling to get to grips with modern life. The sprightly old coot used his life savings to purchase a used Commodore 64 computer. But poor Tom hasn't a fucking clue how to switch the blasted thing on!
"When I took it out of the box I just thought it would be like my telly", Tom said," but then I saw this typewritery thing and lots and lots of wires and cables. I'm very confused".
Tom's friends - all pensioners, most senile, some in a coma - have been fuck all use to him as they struggled to get the device to work.
"What does 'ESC' mean? And what the blimmin 'eck is 'ALT Gr'!", Tom said as he scratched his crusty old barnet.
Tom wanted to be the only man in his retirement village that was part of the 'Information Superhighway' but feels he's instead stuck on a roundabout in a Robin Reliant!
"If I could only get the blasted thing to work I could then go onto that Spoof place and write shite about tits and arses and cocks and suchlike!", he wailed.