Postal Votes Bring Record Election Turnout

Funny story written by Dungeekin

Thursday, 4 June 2009

With voting under way in the combined EU and Local Government Elections, early indications are of a record turnout from voters across the UK.

Initial reports from counting rooms indicate that use of postal votes is at its highest since records began, and observing officers are noting that early indications show a very different story to that expected by the opinion polls.

Labour electoral observer Bert Redflag said, "the polls said that New Labour was down-and-out in these elections, heading for fourth place. But with counting of postal votes under way, we are seeing massive support from the electorate, and we're confident of taking control of numerous Tory-held Councils as well as massively increasing our numbers of MEPs".

Initial figures based on postal voting show that so far, 76,380,000 postal votes have been received - all voting Labour. Compared against the 44 million UK citizens registered to vote, this equates to a turnout figure of 173.5909%, the highest since records began.

Prime Minister Gordon Brown welcomed the high turnout, saying, "this shows that I am so popular, people are voting many times and even the dead are levering themselves out of their graves to vote New Labour. There is no chance that this is electoral fraud in any way. I'm just really popular, honest".

Messages of congratulation for the PM have been pouring in from democratically-elected leaders around the globe including Kim Jong-Il, Mahmoud Ahmedinajad, the Burmese leadership and Robert Mugabe, who had provided Brown with campaign advice in the run-up to the election.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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