Hog Warts, Restless Pig Syndrome Also on Rise

Funny story written by The San Francisco Onion

Tuesday, 28 April 2009

image for Hog Warts, Restless Pig Syndrome Also on Rise
Translation: Ore-may eople-pay eaking-spay ig-pay Atin-lay oo-tay, a-say inguists-lay.

SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Even as the World Health Organization struggles to contain a recent outbreak of swine flu, a startling number of other swine related diseases and illnesses have begun to crop up across the globe.

"This latest development is especially disturbing," explained Richard Besser, acting director for the Center for Disease Control (CDC). "While the epicenter of the swine flu outbreak was in Mexico, several epidemics now appear to be emerging in different areas of the world, making this a true pandemic."

In Northern Europe, many cities have begun to report an increase in the occurrence of hog warts, with 20 new cases confirmed in London alone.

European and South American cities have begun to see a sharp rise in sausage reflux disease. In Rome and Sao Paulo, up to 30% of the citizens are believed to be carrying "sick saver" bags in case of an emergency.

The number of restless pig syndrome (RPS) cases in America is "off the charts," according to the CDC, while the South is also facing a pronounced chitlin pox epidemic.

In addition, more Americans are suffering from baconitis than usual, while Canadian baconitis is more prevalent in our neighbor to the North.

Southeast Asian cities have noted "an abrupt increase" in BBQ pork fever cases since the epidemic began, and Australians are reporting more incidences of Ham's disease than usual.

"In many ways, the current crisis was inevitable," says Margaret Chan, general director for the World Health Organization (WHO). She advocates stricter guidelines to ensure the garbage and slop we feed pigs meets higher quality standards. "We've been raising swine on inferior scraps and low-grade rubbish for far too long. Now, we're paying for it."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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