OTTAWA, Canada - (Satire News) - The Canadian government has just informed Ukraine that they have shipped 2 million strips of Canadian bacon to them via Delta Airlines. The bacon is from Quebec's Celine Dion Canadian Bacon Factory, and is consider…
A man has recounted how he remained unaware of a blaze at a local bacon processing factory, despite noticing a 'delicious smell'. Myke Woodson, 57, was sitting reading a book in the back garden of his mother's house in Oaf-on-Sea, when, all of a s…
Waterloo, Iowa - "NO BACON", that was the critical situation report which NSA and top military analysts saw at 5:40am, as they prepared to deliver the White House Daily Brief. For more than half of a century, the Pentagon has been able to tell the Pr...
President Trump today announced a plan to tackle antisemitism in America. With bomb threats to Jewish centers and cemetery desecration, many have been critical of the president's underwhelming response to the issue. Today however, the President spoke...
Vegetarian and religious groups the world over have renounced the companies producing vegetarian bacon slices after it emerged that the products are derived from pork. The companies concerned say that they chemically remove everything in the product...
Processed meat causes cancer! We were so shocked when we read (skimmed it and looked for pictures) the report, through a haze of Shisha smoke, we were outraged. We quickly like two cigarettes each to calm our nerves and called up the most sciency sci...
In its sweep of non-labelling, Target turned the tables on fruit lovers. Not wanting to offend anyone, its fruits, fresh or packaged, will now be thrown into a large bin and with signage: Fruit Flavored Stuff. "If you want a lime for your Coron...
GRAND RAPIDS, MI - A local woman was wrongly found guilty today of firing a shot into the drive-thru window of a McDonald's on February 10, 2015. We say wrongly convicted because the woman, "Shaneka," only fired the weapon into the store at head leve...
CHICAGO, ILLINOIS - Bacon! Bacon! Bacon! will open in Chicago on St. Patrick's Day. Famous restauranteur, Chef Chip Chang, explained the theme of his newest Chicago restaurant, "It will be all about pork: pork chops, pork rolls, pork roasts, pork...
KEWANEE, ILLINOIS - Welcome to Kewanee, Illinois, the self-proclaimed Hog Capital of the World, population 12,916, where the 1st International Bacon Olympics will be held the first week of March. If there is any doubt that this small town loves...
Pocono, Pennsylvania -- Gwendolyn Shopworn, a food researcher from Boston, expired earlier today while attempting to cross Pennsylvania's famous Bushkill Falls on a high wire. "This is a real tragedy," said Pocono Sheriff Snuffy Anastasia. "She'...
As if things aren't already bad enough in this septic isle, the devastating revelation that beleagured Britain faces an impending bacon shortage has left plucky Brits reeling. Bacon, a staple ingredient in the 'Full English' and a much heralded bu...
Vegetarians based in Altrincham, Cheshire, have asked for a complete ban on bacon following the alarming news that more vegetarians have fallen off the wagon due to thinly sliced meat than for any other reason. "It's the smell of cooking bacon," s...
Never squandering an opportunity to compete against each other in the world of high fashion, several women from the extended Royal Family and other distinguished guests are wearing edible hats for the Queen's Jubilee. One daring creation was a pro...
Multi-million pound companies have been accused of forging 'place of origin' labels to put on their produce to seem more upmarket. It has been discovered they invent whole countries just to avoid putting "made in Slough" on a packet of spam. Back and...
In a comparison of forty different kinds of graphs, the pie chart has been declared the most popular with ordinary people who don't understand graphs. "There is something visually appealing about a pie chart," said Hillman Impclub, chief statologi...
Shy and retiring megastar Lady GaGa has today sensationally quit the showbiz world. Lady GaGa, real name Gaynor Gartside has had enough of living the highlife and called it a day. As her new single once again goes global, she explained her decision to millions of devastated fans world wide. 'This will indeed be my last single. I'm sick and tired of wearing bra's made out of Parma Ham, a...
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