The Commander of Le Triomphante, a French SNLE-NG class nuclear submarine, had visited Blackpool on holiday, where he had tasted the well-known English delicacy, fish and chips. After his first bite of a real English chip he was heard to say "Mon Dieu, ici un pomme frites", which means "This makes french fries taste like murde."
On his return to France, he resolved to free his sixty-one and-a-half million compatriots of the pain of eating tasteless shoe-lace potatoes with their snails. He decided that he would secretly obtain a huge quantity of fish and chips, and deliver them to the French President, Nickerless Teacozy.
He arranged for the commander of HMS Vanguard, Britain's multi-million pound nuclear powered under-water chip shop, to make a clandestine sub-aquan delivery, as he knew that the French Navy would be too embarrassed to reveal that they had been eating second rate food ever since Napoleon's previous attempt to taste decent spuds, in 1815.
The secret transfer was made successfully, but being eager to remind himself of the flavour, the French Commander, Monsieur Le Frog, opened the newspaper wrapping, and was disgusted to find that they had been wrapped in The Sun, when he had specifically ordered the wrapping to be Le Monde, so as to disguise them. When he complained over the radio, Commander Lindsey said that his preference would have been The Nottingham Evening Post, as he had a personal ad in there for the sale of his Ducati.
The French commander went ballistic, which is not a wise thing to do when there is a good chance of getting your chips flavoured with a few thousand tons of nuclear waste. During this argument about whether the Notts Evening Post was better than Le Monde, no-one noticed that the current had changed due to a huge tidal wave created by an Italian nuclear powered gondola that had been inconspicuously trying to get in on the scene, resulting in the two submarines drifting dangerously close together.
Then it happened - absolute disaster.
The specially supplied vinegar bottle fell off the French dashboard , and nudged the steering wheel, causing the two ships to collide. Both captains decided that in the inevitable investigation of the incident, they would not mention the chips.