Bush says Iraqi Oil is at the Center of Terror Fight

Funny story written by Felix Minderbinder

Thursday, 24 May 2007

image for Bush says Iraqi Oil is at the Center of Terror Fight
The USA is an oil pig

WASHINGTON (Reuters) -- President George Bush portrayed the "War on Terror" as a fight to grab Iraqi oil on Wednesday, and added that Osama bin Laden was just a bogeyman.

"You know, al-Qaida has nothing to do with it," admitted Bush. "Oil is everything. I am fighting so the Iraqi government will pass that oil law so Exxon Mobil and Big Oil can suck up their oil forever and forever."

Bush first tried to scare the audience by sharing nuggets of intelligence to contend that Osama bin Laden was setting up a terrorist cell in Iraq to strike targets in America, but then he admitted, "Naw, that's all fabricated bullshit by the CIA and Mossad."

"I know the September 11 attacks were staged and fooled a lot of people, but oil is the key to everything. Oil and Israel's ongoing theft of Palestinian land and its demand that we stomp Iraq and Iran. I'm an AIPAC stooge like everyone else in my Zionist Occupied Government."

Bush spoke at a commencement speech at the US Coast Guard Academy in which he defended his decision to order a troop buildup in Iraq.

"It is tempting to believe that I'm not doing everything for oil and Israel," he said.

"Here in America, we are living in the eye of a storm as oil runs short," he said. "We consume oil like total pigs and I'm sure not going to order energy efficiency standards or get us off oil."

Critics agreed with the confidential Bush speech.

"Bush is sinking more and more money and sending more and more troops to grab oil in Iraq and most everywhere else," said Brian Bratubis, a national security expert at the Center for American Stagnation, a think tank.

The White House has repeatedly said the US and its allies will be successful when the Iraqis give up there oil to US corporations.

"al-Qaida isn't active in Iraq or in Afghanistan," Bush said. "You know it and I know it. But Exxon Mobil, Chevron Texaco, Shell and BP sure are busy in Iraq and Central Asia. OMG, am I and Cheney ever traitors to America."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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