World Bank Finds Wolfowitz Repeatedly Violated It

Funny story written by Felix Minderbinder

Tuesday, 15 May 2007

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The violator

WASHINGTON (AP) -- A World Bank committee has found that its President Paul Wolfowitz repeatedly violated the men and women of the World Bank, thereby breaking its rules and ethics.

Although it was Wolfowitz's blatant promotion of his mistress and her ludicrous pay raise which sparked the investigation, it was Wolfowitz's over all conduct and many violations at the World Bank which gained him the condemnation and sanction of the investigation committee.

"Wolfowitz also violated his mistress Shaha Riza and even this committee," stated the report. "Hardly anyone at the World Bank can sit down now, we have been so sorely abused by that violent violator."

Wolfowitz quickly rejected the damning report, while the United States showed no sign of ending its support for the former US deputy defense secretary who lied to the world by starting the illegal and genocidal Iraqi oil war.

"Wolfowitz's contract required that he adhere to the Code of Conduct for board officials and that he avoid any conflict of interest, yet he violated almost all of us anyway," the panel said.

Wolfowitz called the findings "unbalanced and flawed" and argued that it was his "divine right" to violate anything and anyone he chose. "The bank's policy on conflict of interest did not apply to me, since I am a Chosen Person, an American and a neoconservative," he stated.

"Despite the hundreds of bank employees which Wolfowitz has violated, there is still hope that he will stop violating us and show the leadership needed to ensure that the bank continues to operate to the fullest extent possible in achieving its mandate," the report also found.

Yet the Wolfowitz crisis has damaged the bank's reputation and effectiveness in promoting poverty and enriching its rich member countries.

US Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson has also supported Wolfowitz, saying that he did not think the facts merit dismissal.

"So what if Paul screwed everyone at the World Bank?" he asked. "Heck, the USA screws the entire world every second of every day, and they still let us get away with it."

The United States government has argued that Wolfowitz has apologized for violating and screwing so many people because he was new to the job, and he also deserved credit for participating in the board's investigation even though he violated and screwed everyone of them too.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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