Wolfowitz Says the World Bank Business Is Corruption

Funny story written by Felix Minderbinder

Sunday, 6 May 2007

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WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Beleaguered World Bank President Paul Wolfowitz has defended himself, pointing out that his personal graft and corruption with his girlfriend "is nothing compared to what the World Bank does to the world."

In a special session before the Bank's board, Wolfowitz pointed out that the World Bank "is spreading ruin, poverty and death throughout the globe. That is the business we are in. That is what the World Bank does."

He noted that USA and Europe, using the World Bank, the International Monetary Fund and the World Trade Organization, are ordering the developing world to dismantle its trade barriers while the USA and Europe maintain monstrous farm subsidies and other barriers in an extraordinary display of hypocrisy.

"Our trade barriers truly cause misery, poverty and death in developing countries," he said.

"We also have also done such outrageous things as imposed school fees on students in Africa in exchange for a World Bank loan," he continued. "We have demanded that Tanzania privatize its water system. We have even made telecom privatization a precondition for hurricane aid."

"The World Bank has demanded labor flexibility after the tsunami in Sri Lanka, and forced the ending of food subsidies in Iraq to starve tens of thousands."

"The World Bank even withheld $100 million from Ecuador when the country had the audacity to spend money on health and education," he asserted.

"The World Bank and IMF have been at the forefront forcing developing countries to privatize and sell off their institutions very cheaply to transnational corporations, entailing the enriching of power brokers with huge payoffs. I've been spreading corruption throughout the world with World Bank policies, not just spreading corruption throughout the Bank itself by enriching my girlfriend," Wolfowitz cried.

He described how the World Bank helped Boris Yeltsin become leader of the Soviet Union to impose radical free market reforms, to break up the country and sell it off at fire sale prices to Westerners in mass privatizations that created many criminal millionaires and billionaires. This also caused widespread poverty, sickness and death for the masses throughout Russia.

Yeltsin carried out the World Bank, IMF and Washington program, becoming wealthy in the process, and even ordered tanks to fire on protestors at the Russian parliament in October 1993, killing hundreds. World Bank and IMF cronies said they had so much fun in their lives.

"So the activities of the World Bank corrupt and based on large-scale corruption," concluded Wolfowitz. "Thus my sleazy promotion and enriching of my girlfriend is almost nothing compared to the death, destruction and misery the World Bank and IMF have wreaked on the world on behalf of neoconservatives like myself. So please forgive me, you guys."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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