LONDON – (Satire News) – The London Dispatch-Messenger Newspaper reports that after speaking with King Charles III, they can now say that he has finally managed to lick his life-long addiction to ice cream cones.
Reporter Conrad Bloomin, no relation to the famous Bloomin family of Portsmouth, said that England’s new king is as proud as pistachio punch to announce that the ice cream cone addiction is gone with the wind, as they say in the American south.
Charles said that what helped him lick the problem was his lovely missues, Queen Consort Camilla Parker Bowles.
The king said that since being crowned king, three things have happened in his life, (1) He has gotten rid of 89% of his royal stress, (2) He does not stutter as much as he used to, and (3) His and Camilla’s sex life has improved by a whopping 26.8%. ■
