ATLANTA, GA – Habitat for Humanity's newly appointed CEO, Dr. Beedie Essem, announced yesterday that the global nonprofit was planning to begin a trial program adding sex dungeons to the basements of the low-income homes of poverty-stricken doms in southern Georgia. Nominations and applications for grants will be accepted at the Habitat's Peachtree Center offices until Friday, May 6th.
The Habitat is a global nonprofit housing organization that operates in communities in all 50 states in the U.S. and in approximately 70 countries. Until 2019, they refurbished basements only for low-income heterosexual Christian couples who practiced procreation strictly in the missionary position, in the dark, and with no verbal signals.
"There was certainly no horse- or butt-play back then," Dr. Essem pointed out in a phone interview with our own Ernest Funtz. "I ran the idea of sex dungeons by former President Jimmy Carter, our elder mentor, and he said, 'Beedie, you follow your heart!" He said, "I've recently learned that in order to have sex with a 90-year-old man, Ros really needs to have her kink on."
Dr. Essem continued, "For too long, our nation's poor have lacked appropriate access to essential bondage and erotic humiliation services, and since the recent Supreme Court's February decision in Musk v. Texas, private sex dungeons are once again legal in all states. Now that Vice President Harris has come out pro domme, I think it's time we acknowledged the normalcy and the necessity for masochistic servitude. No longer must our nation's slaves be forced to mutter 'choke me daddy' only at sanctioned munches."
A recent post on the Habitat's Facebook page read, "In America, taking control of your life when you're starting out disadvantaged is one of the hardest things to do. So is taking control of your sexuality."
Ernest Funtz also mentioned that Dr. Essem wanted to help impoverished doms pull themselves up by their body straps and edge toward mastery of their lives. "We are all human beings," he said. "Nobody is more 'normal' than anyone else. Now pardon me please, it's time to release the gimp from the fungeon."
