MOSCOW - (Satire News) - The Kremlin Voice is sad to announce that the leader of the Russian people may have to step down due to an aliment that they describe as being embarrassing-as-shit.
The KV stated that Putin did not want them to put the particulars out, but in the interest of fair and impartial reporting, the reason for Putty's leaving is due to the fact that two months ago, a rabid woodpecker bit him on his pecker (prick).
And although the best doctors in Russia treated the communist invader, the after effects are still present.
One of Vlady's girl friends said that the fucking woodpecker managed to bite off part of the tip of the dictator's winky (dick).
She added that ever since then, the Russian leader has nothing but premature ejaculations; which occur within 4 seconds of him entering his partner's vagina (pussy).
In A Related Story. The shortage of Russian salad dressing has caused the cost to rise in Europe by 480%.
