MOSCOW – (World Satire) – The Kremlin Voice has just reported that Russian President Vladimir Putin told one of his closest aides that he knows he fucked up bad by launching an attack on Ukraine.
He even admitted that two hours before he ordered the attack, he had talked to one of his long time girlfriends who advised him to call of the assault off in order to keep from looking like a spoiled, rotten, piece of shit, like Donald Jonathan Erasmus Trump.
She pointed out that Trump can get away with acting like a prick because he is a prick, a tiny micro-prick, but a prick nonetheless.
The girlfriend who has been identified as Anastasia Yekaterino, has a tattoo of a bottle of Vodka on her right ass cheek and a tattoo of a Big Mac on her bikini line.
Putin insisted that he couldn’t call off his invasion now because it was already all over the networks including CNN, CNBC, ABC, CBS, PBS, the BBC and even the Weather Channel.
