Governments Admit They've Been Telling Lies About Things

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 26 March 2021

image for Governments Admit They've Been Telling Lies About Things
There has been some major fibbing going on

There was trouble brewing on a massive scale this morning, when a series of news conferences around the globe admitted that various governments had been somewhat economical with the truth, and that most of everything they've ever told you has been a pile of steaming excrement.

Not including the Coronavirus, that is.

The UK government, led by Prime Minister Boris Johnson, got the ball rolling by declaring that Britain had not, in fact, left the European Union in January. This had been a hoax.

Nor had they joined it in 1970. No need to panic.

Of further interest was that the England football team had not won the World Cup in 1966, despite the 'extensive televisual evidence', and that it would probably never do so in the future, either.

Over in the US, President Sleepy Joe Biden was able to proudly pronounce that the make-believe fictional character of Donald Trump was, in fact, a rubber doll, and had certainly not been the leader of the country until very recently.

Indeed, there was still some doubt, he said, as to his own existence.

The 2008 economic crisis was fictitious, and Monica Lewinsky had never worked at the White House. Ronald Reagan was still a cowboy.

Watergate had been "invented".

Confirming the suspicions of many, there had never been a moon landing, and President John F. Kennedy was shot by his wife whilst in the shower.

Dallas actor, Bobby Ewing, who played Patrick Duffy in 'Man From Atlantis' couldn't even swim.

Both governments agreed there hadn't been a "serious major conflict" between 1939 and 1945; nor had there been another between 1914 and 1918, if those years had even taken place.

In Russia, President Vladimir Putin said that the existence of a figure called Josef Stalin was "laughable". He chuckled at this.

The Russian Revolution and the earlier French Revolution were dismissed as "pure fabrications", and a whole series of other 'events' were also said to have been cases of various governments "pulling the wool over people's eyes".

Even the story of Jesus Christ, they said, was "open to interpretation".

In the world of Science, 'experts' are now reviewing their estimates of the age of the Earth, and say they think the planet might be as young as 700 years old.

The Flat Earth Society are being asked to join consultations.

Dinosaurs, however, were definitely "bullshit".

One commentator reacted to the announcements by saying:

"Yes, it's become rather difficult to tell the truth from outright lies these days, and I'm not even really sure that I'm making these comments right now!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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