Man Had Blood Test

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Sunday, 15 November 2020

image for Man Had Blood Test
You'll just feel a tiny scratch...

A man who woke up one morning last week with a nasty rash on his stomach, his upper arms and upper legs - but not his testicles - has finally decided to do something about it, after four days of constant itching and scratching himself into a frenzy.

The rash appeared in the various places upon the body of Englishman Moys Kenwood, 57, whose fingernails have since been working overtime trying the alleviate the burning sensation, to no avail.

Wondering whether or not her husband had eaten 'something dodgy' over the last few days, Mrs. Kenwood suggested he might go for a blood test.

The skies darkened. Sinister-looking clouds rolled in from over the horizon, and stopped above chez Kenwood. Birds stopped singing, and dogs ceased barking. All was quiet.

The thought of a blood test usually sends a shiver down Kenwood's spine, and, in a flash, he saw the future: an uncaring, sadistic nurse, a foreigner who was clearly 'uncomfortable', a chance to inflict some pain, the false "this won't hurt" claim as she glanced sideways with an evil smirk...aaaaaaggghh!

"Get your helmet on!" said his wife. "We're off!"

Clearly looking forward to the event, she rode the motorbike as if she were a child running after an ice cream van. Reaching the clinic, Kenwood tried thinking of 'other things' to distract himself: his children's faces; football; a book he was reading; a favorite song - it was no good, the nurse was in front of him.

He rolled up his sleeve and said a silent "goodbye" to all those he loved. His face, his wife later told him, was white.

When it was all over, he 'thanked' the nurse, and went outside for some fresh air.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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