(NOT EDITED) Anti-snoring groups are protesting outside German hospitals in an attempt to make it a crime to snore during time spent in wards. "Snoring is a crime and should be forbidden!" Sensitive ex-patients have been observed screaming, "Snor…
As the UK roll-out of COVID-19 vaccinations got underway in London this morning, there was a hiccup almost immediately, when a hospital porter carrying a box containing 200 phials of the lifesaving vaccine stumbled and fell, dropping his load in the…
As the second spike of the Coronavirus really gets into its stride, with infection rates rising all over mainland Britain, the city of Hull, in East Yorkshire, has emerged as the runaway leader in the Race to Oblivion, the virus infection 'league' sp…
A man who woke up one morning last week with a nasty rash on his stomach, his upper arms and upper legs - but not his testicles - has finally decided to do something about it, after four days of constant itching and scratching himself into a frenzy.
The threat of a second wave of the Coronavirus could be felt tangibly in Germany this morning, when staff in many of the country's biggest hospitals arrived on duty to find beds covered with beach towels. Just as tourists from the country tend to…
As the situation in the UK's beleaguered hospitals approaches a critical state, the government has stepped in, and asked the staff of both Casualty and Holby City to help out in their battle. The BBC, which has control over the doctors and nurses...
Once upon a time being an inpatient, outpatient or visitor to hospital had its upside. I'm talking of course about those nurses in their candy-striped little uniforms with their starched white aprons and their tiny lace hats perched on top of their p...
Staff at a famous London hospital have been dismayed by an internal email which featured a team of beaming young nurses under the headline "Pick up a Twiddle Muff". Ageing hospital administrator, Paxton Quigley, who wished to remain anonymous, to...
The Daily Mail have boasted about their campaign to help the NHS, in which 11,000 people have volunteered to spend a few hours a week helping the underfunded service. Tabloid editor Geordie Greig said, "Why, if only the greedy money-grabbing nurses w...
Hospitals of Washington State - Dr. Lee G. Bender of Washuck Hospital spoke to reporters after all hospitals in Washington were suddenly filled with programmers that had blown off their legs. “MacroHard called for emergency assistance about 11:00...
Bethesda, Maryland - The National Institute of Health has found out how super-bugs are created by hospitals. It’s very simple. Sick people’s bodily fluids are sent down plumbing drains where they meet up with anti-biotics. All the non-super germs ar...
Washington, D.C. - Most people don't enjoy seeing dentists, but some have a serious fear of receiving dental care. Local man Juan Diente revealed to us yesterday that he's had dental phobia for as long as he can remember. "I think the last time I wen...
The unqualified success of hospital parking schemes which raise around £200m a year have prompted NHS trusts to look into other profit-making ideas. In 2016 several hospitals will try out an Entrance Fee system which could prove even more lucrative.
In a bid to reduce the overhead on the budget that is the NHS, the Conservatives have outlined a plan to decrease their spending on this national institution. "Basically," said George Osborne, "we're going to raise the money by increasing parking...
Following recent reports which incited outrage when it was revealed that doctors were opting out of working unsociable hours, new proposals have been passed that allow them the option of not having to see patients at all. Under the new scheme doct...
News is breaking that the Health Secretary has been arrested after an undercover operation by Staffordshire Police working with the Met and Interpol. It has been alleged that recent stories regarding horsemeat in the foodchain and falling asteroids h...
Due to increasing numbers of managers missing from local hospitals, senior staff will now be required to wear high visibility jackets with unique identification numbers. The Health Secretary has declared that 'proper counting' needs to be restored...
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