German countryside house owner employs wild boars to do his gardening!

Funny story written by Jaggedone

Wednesday, 7 October 2020

image for German countryside house owner employs wild boars to do his gardening!
Superb gardeners until the 'horny male' turns up!

(NOT EDITED) After watching a nature programme on TV, a German house owner, who just happens not to have one 'green finger' protruding from his hands, decided to employ a family of wild boars to dig up his garden.

His wife, also declined to get on her knees in the garden, but doesn't mind in bed, sometimes, because it might break her delicate fingernails and spoil her expensive hairdo. She also felt it inappropriate if she was seen wearing green wellies in public as her well-to-do friends all employ gardeners to do their dirty work, her hubby is just too 'tight'!

So, she allowed her hubby to employ the boars, but only if they were wired in, and not allowed near the back porch door or poo on the terrace! After rounding up a family of wild boars from the local forest by offering then acorns, nuts, and other piggy delicacies, he enticed them into his SUV and smuggled them into his garden.

Everything went to plan, the wild boar family started digging with impunity as the house owner looked on with pride at his family of diggers. However, he forgot one thing; a male wild boar roams alone until he gets 'horny'. Then he goes and searches for his missus, and confrontations with horny male wild boars one should really avoid!

After sniffing his missus's scent, the male boar bee-lined for the garden where his wife and kids were busy churning over the garden. He rushed into the surrounding fence, flattened it, and did what all horny male wild boars do, jumped on his missus!

After copulating, he ordered his family out of the garden. They scampered off into the distance towards the forest and, were never seen again! The green-finger-less gardener, left with a half-dug garden filled with wild-boar-dung, mud, and a broken fence, broke down in tears. His missus, not feeling any remorse, called a local gardener to repair the damage. Her revengeful husband called the local beauty saloon/hairdresser and cancelled all her appointments. She then stormed out of the house.

To end this quite 'boar-ing' news report, she filed for a divorce! He is now looking for a 'wild-not-boar-ing' female partner with green-fingers, willing to get on her knees, snorts like a boar in bed and, doesn't mind digging up his garden; a very rare breed indeed!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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