Harried Horticulturist Lacks Time to Stop and Smell Her Own Roses

Funny story written by Chrissy Benson

Thursday, 9 August 2018

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"I may be a later bloomer," says horticulturist Meghan Barlow, "but bloom I shall!"

World-renowned horticulturist Meghan Barlow, pressured on all sides to produce more award-winning zinnias, pentuias, celosia, and other blooms, recently realized that she lacked the time to stop and smell her own roses.

"It's a problem," she acknowledged. "Roses aren't judged on their scent, but it's something that's important to me. I take pride in cultivating extremely fragrant blossoms. It's criminal that I don't even know how my own roses smell!"

Barlow says that her friends are always urging her to slow down, relax, and really take in all that she's accomplished. "They tell me to rest on my laurels for a bit," she claimed. "They don't understand that I don't grow laurels. I have nothing against them, of course, but evergreens just aren't my thing."

Other advice that tends to fall flat for Barlow is the suggestion to stop running around from place to place and "bloom where she is planted."

"It just doesn't make sense," she complained, clearly frustrated. "I'll be 'planted' when I'm in a box six feet under the earth. Until then, I plan to be the one doing the planting."

That being said, Barlow does tend to leave her mark on the horticulture world. Diverted from her floral dreams during her earlier years by a controlling father and overbearing mother, Barlow says she didn't truly hit her stride until she was in late sixties. Now, at the age of 86, she feels she's finally coming into her own - and her multiple awards from the most prestigious flower shows around the globe serve to prove it.

"I may be a late bloomer," stated Barlow, "but bloom I shall!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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