Written by carina-eta

Tuesday, 12 June 2018

image for English Gardener Attacked by Biting Ants
Get them Offa Me!

A British lady has been viciously attacked in her own garden by biting ants, leaving her in a state of great undress.

Librarian Catherine Catlow had decided to plant some trailling sweet peas along a border when she found herself perched precariously on the ledge being attacked by thousands of pesky little stinging ants.

Unable to jump down from the ledge she resorted to screaming, jumping about a bit and pouring water from her own quaint little watering can over herself.

To add insult to injury, she noticed her neighbours watching her, laughing openly and she could hardly complain as they had just cut her grass for her. So she had to pretend to laugh along with them as they asked if she "had got ants in her pants?" .Yes she had. And her bra and everywhere else.

Eventually, the hapless gardener was forced to plunge headlong into a cold bath, while stamping on remaining ants as she hopped in.

Miss Catlow later commented," This is England! The ants don't bite. They carry your little watering can for you and steal crumbs from your fancy cakes while you sip tea from flowery china cups under the arbour. Even the birds in England dress you when you get married, although i cant vouch for that , as I have never been married"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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