"Mark Lowton has nine lives times two," said Monkey Woods, the Spoofs blind editing prodigy, "Many's the time we have pronounced him dead and or missing, only to find out he wasn't at all, we'd simply covered him up with the laundry."
"I don't believe he ever really existed," said a writer known as jlf. "As they say in A Christmas Carol, there's more fig pudding about him than of a real man or even a ghost. But who knows? Maybe somebody spilt something in a lab in Wuhan, and out popped Mark."
"He's a myth, a cruel hoax," said Billingsgate. "Me own mother is more real than he is, and most say I could'nt possibly have come from a mother. To which I say f....o.... you M.... F......ers."
Leadership at the spoof could not be reached for comment as they are believed to be either dead, non-existent, or yard gnomes.