A major embarrassment for any normal president, the World Health Organisation today announced that the U.S. COVID-19 outbreak has been traced to Donald Trump's forehead.
Spokeswoman Sylvia Vanderviris made the announcement. "Yah, using zee Department of zee Homeland Security's passenger travel data and zee supercomputer, after zee several months of intense investigations, zee World Health Organisation has concluded zat zee COVID-19 outbreak in zee United States originated on Donald Trump's forehead under zee quiff."
Ms Vandervirus further explained, "Yah, vee know zee virus can live outside zee body in zee dark places vich remain undisturbed for zee long time, vich are regularly subjected to bursts of zee hot air, and vich are mobile. After crunching zee travel data of tventy million Americans, Mr Trump was zee only candidate for zee source. Vee believe zat Mt Trump came into contact viz zee virus on his state trips to China or North Korea in 2019 and zat zee virus was able to colonise his forehead under zee quiff. Eet ees zee perfect environment."
Quizzed by reporters if there was any doubt about the findings, Vanderviris replied, "Absolutely no doubt. Mr Trump is zee source. Vee attempted to discuss zis viz Mr Trump in January, but he refused to meet viz us and then stopped zee U.S. funding for zee World Health Organisation."
The White House has been approached for a comment. On condition of anonymity, a Press Secretary told The Spoof that he could neither deny nor confirm the allegation. But he did say that the President had recently begun steam-cleaning his quiff daily, as well as adding disinfectant to his shampoo.