Tel Aviv, Israel. Woof Blister reporting for Spoof International News - SIN. In a phone call that Israel's Prime Minister --- Netanyahu described as "perfect," U.S. president Donald Trump today offered his personal support to his indicted counterpart, charged with multiple counts of corruption, bribery, etc.
"If you were in America, they couldn't do that to you, since you're a sitting prime minister. Why, you could shoot someone in broad daylight on the streets of Tel Aviv, and they couldn't touch you... under our Constitution.
"Tell your people that it's just a witchhunt. Sometimes, call it a hoax, at other times, say it's a scam. In fact, call it the greatest witchhunt in the history of Israel.
Too bad you don't have a Nancy Pelosi leading the opposition 'cause she makes a good foil. I suggest you make snide comments about the Labor Party, your equivalent of our Democrats. Surely you can make a joke out of "Emir" Peretz. Too bad that Barack guy isn't Labor's leader any more. Gee, what I could do with that one!
"And don't be afraid to use a few four-letter words when you attack your prosecutor. Most of your folks will love that. I do it all the time, and it works.
"But most of all, don't let any of your close associates testify. Claim "executive privilege." Works every time! And if they bring in some military officer to testify, in uniform, challenge his loyalty to Israel, suggest he's a disgrace to the uniform, Of course, neither you nor I ever wore a uniform, but that doesn't seem to matter.
"And, if nothing else works, send out a tweet suggesting that if you are convicted, the country will be in a civil war that will make Syria look like child's play.
"Good luck, old friend, but, if in the end they convict you, I'll give you asylum here. After all, you did arrange for the building of my next Trump Tower, in Jerusalem."