Extremely Intelligent High School Principal Calmly Assures Locals That American Education System Is Not Centrally Focused On Sports

Written by Wesley Janson

Sunday, 17 November 2019

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Sports!

La Crosse, Wisconsin. In response to growing concerns from local community members that the United States Education System may actually be more focused on sports rather than the intellectual growth and development of young students, Loran High School Principal, Tommy Darfey, 49, invited several parents into his office so that he could reasonably (and calmly) explain how the school's mission is fully dedicated to academic success.

When questioned about the massive amount of funding that was used to build a 3-story tall gymnasium instead of hiring teachers with Master's Degrees, Mr. Darfey remained silent for a few moments before pointing to a picture of himself playing football in college.

"Tommy Darfey!" he said while deeply admiring the image.

"Bobby and Barbra Darfey!" he sentimentally claimed while pointing to a picture of his parents on the other side of his desk.

"Todd Darfey!" he proudly clarified (with tears rolling down his cheeks) before passing around an enclosed frame of his brother playing basketball in high school during the late 1980s.

"Ha ha ha ha," he added.

After being sincerely asked how he obtained a DPI License in Educational Administration (or got through college in the first place), Mr. Darfey screamed at the top of his lungs before grabbing a football off the shelf and throwing it on the floor of his office so incredibly hard that it bounced off the carpet and shattered a nearby window.

"I'M TOMMY DARFEY!" he ferociously bellowed in pure rage before pounding on his chest, running into the cafeteria, and putting aluminum foil in the microwave so that he could look at all the pretty colors instead of answering further questions about how the school's curriculum would adapt to the growing needs and changes of the community during the second half of the 2019-2020 academic year.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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