Earth's History Completely Ignored as NASA Seeks to Penetrate Surface of Mars

Written by Wesley Janson

Saturday, 1 December 2018

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Mars, an empty planet devoid of life that simply and peacefully maintains its regular orbital pattern within the vast and continually-expanding Universe, may possibly have its surface ruthlessly penetrated within a few years.

Reporters recently interviewed highly optimistic, lead NASA spokesperson, Michael Cock.

"Our galaxy itself probably operates according to a beautiful, harmonious, rhythmically-sound, magnificent, mathematical design that we will never fully understand," Mr. Cock told reporters. "And that's exactly why we need to utilize the Moon as a landing base so that we can continually use highly sophisticated technology in order to relentlessly penetrate the surface of Mars," he added.

Mr. Cock further explained that more probes will be necessary in order to drill further into the surface.

"As we push in deeper and deeper, we also need to analyze the intense vibrations that may occur in the process," Mr. Cock revealed. "There will be some 'ins' and 'outs' and some 'ups' and 'downs' along the way, but if we repeatedly thrust forward, we should eventually reach a 'climax' of understanding and knowledge."

Although he remains optimistic about the goal of eventually placing human beings on Mars, Mr. Cock was asked if NASA should consider Earth's history of greed, crime, poverty, massive warfare, needless violence, prejudice, social problems, ethnic hatred, socioeconomic division, environmental pollution, overpopulation, serial killing, drug use, alcoholism, child abuse, divorce, terrorism, mental illness, political strife, and the general inability of human beings to actually 'get along with' or even 'take care of' each other before attempting to start colonies on a foreign planet.

Finding himself unable to answer the question head on, Mr. Cock pulled out of the interview and withdrew from making any further statements.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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