Saudi Arabia 'deep bloke' offers formula for Assange case in London

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Monday, 5 November 2018

image for Saudi Arabia 'deep bloke' offers formula for Assange case in London
A faux transformer on nearby telephone pole also possible as whereabouts for disposal

A wave of news yesterday that Mr. Assange is under new danger has brought urgency to finally resolving his case.

Mr. Assange’s mouth, as happened with Mr. Khashoggi, has become “far too dangerous for the ordinary person’s understanding of the news,” to quote US Government sources.

Plans to remove Assange to: a) Guantanamo; b) Leavenworth; c) a dungeon below The White House have been moving much too slowly, according to some senators.

Therefore, US Intelligence is taking an interest in Saudi Arabia’s expertise on rogue journalists.

Simultaneously, guilt for Mr. Khashoggi’s murder has been established—as NOT at the highest levels of the Saudi Arabia State.

Nevertheless, Saudi Arabia's expertise includes those who know how to do it, and are willing to discuss the procedure.

So--to "Deep Bloke."

Deep Bloke has supplied the following formula to deal with vile Assange-Khashoggi style "criminal" journalism, which messes with The Official Views of The Powers That Be.

The formula:

Step 1: Make sure all officials in the consulate are given a day off and absent.

Step 2: Remove the suspect’s watch so that it cannot transmit any amount of the ensuing struggle.

Step 3: Carefully blind and disable all surveillance devices in the vicinity.

Step 4: Apply a choke hold following an aggressive questioning period.

Step 5: As part of your team, include a bone saw specialist to follow drugging the accused.

Step 6: Take along at least five suitcases in which to store parts of the dismembered body.

Step 7: Use acid and basins to dissolve the body.

Step 8: Consider toilets; rooftop plant tubs; consulate back garden; helicopter pickup from the roof--re disposal of the remains.

Step 9: Arrest perpetrators under the cover language “rogue operators” and put them up at a fancy hotel for a few months as “imprisonment.”

Step 10: Make speeches protesting the brutality and heinous nature of the proceedings while smiling.

Also, pay no attention to disapproval from international partners.

They automatically assume the "outrage" position while keeping all economic and military arrangements safe from interference.

Usual covering (CYA) procedure:

a) sound off with big mouth;

b) pretend to take event seriously toward “justice”;

c) mention importance of keeping workers employed on various War Contracts;

d) gradually stop talking about what happened and shift the news to other topics.

These procedures guarantee “the immaculate disappearance.”

Deep Bloke is rumored to be asking a mere $100,000 for consultation on this matter, a half-day fee.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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