At a tripartite summit in Honolulu, American President Donald Trump played host to Chinese President Xi Jinping and North Korean Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un. Welcoming both leaders to the two-day summit, Mr Trump said it was an honour to have the summit on American soil far away from the mainland and the sniping and carping of the Democrats.
“I really welcome this break from the obfuscation and stonewalling of the Democrats who do so much harm to the America. A lot of them should be locked up and the key thrown over the wall into Mexico. That is good. Is very good. I should have thought of that earlier. Or maybe deport them as illegal aliens. That’s what they are’.
Turning to his guests, Mr Trump asked them if they had seen the movie Alien. Because that movie was good. Is very good. And scary. And the alien creature was horrible, salivating all the time as though deprived of a Texan-size hamburger.
Mr Jinping and Mr Jong-un smiled and nodded in agreement even though the translators muddied the logic. He then shook the hands of both leaders before putting an arm around Kim Jong-un.
Trump spoke warmly to Mr Jong-un. ‘Welcome to America My Love. Unlike my good friend Xi, this is your visit and as a former rogue we welcome you. I say former rogue because you are not a rogue any more. The only rogues in the world are the Saudi goon squads, the Iranians and the Democrats. Sorry I forgot to mention the Russians who hacked into our democratic process, I mean the process of the Democrats. But I’m still a friend of Vladimir. Rogue he is, but a benevolent rogue. After all, if it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t be here. I believe he is also a good friend of you two gentlemen.
‘Is good when leaders of the free world are friends. I know that the Democrats also want to be my friend, as well as CNN, the Washington Post and the New York Times. But I must add that with friends like those who needs enemas.’
Mr Jinping and Mr Jong-un burst into laughter as the translators did the needful in Mandarin and Korean, with much pantomiming of two finger-salutes.
“Grate! Grate!” said the two leaders in unison, not used to proper American spelling. This was reinforced when Trump’s loose-change Vice President handed the two Asian leaders blocks of Mozzarella cheese embossed with an Uncle Sam impression, plus aluminium graters that had escaped the 25% tariff.
Mr Jong-un couldn’t hold back. He used the grater to hive off strips of cheese and chewed up Uncle Sam. ‘Grate! Grate!’ he said. And added ‘Mr Trump, I’m sure always and friendly manner that you make America Grate again if you keep make this grate cheese.’
Touched to the core, Mr Trump put his arms around Mr Jong-un. “Kim, my little rocket man. I love you”.
Back home in the United States, Nikey Haley resigned as ambassador to the UN, feeling betrayed at the President’s public proclamation of a new relationship.
Mr Jinping, like Queen Victoria, was however not amused. At a press conference later in the evening, he alluded to the betrayal of his friend the Great Leader, and vowed vengeance. This would take the form of sanctions and a trade embargo on the exchange of Chinese dissidents for any unwanted Democrats seeking sanctuary in China to escape persecution from Trump’s squad of Saudi assassins.
The Chinese leader knew that the friction between the two parties at the mid-term elections could only escalate, as the fighting and back-stabbing in the snake-infested swamp of Washington DC spread to the rest of America.
Mr Jinping also predicted that Trump’s ‘crush’ on his rocket man wouldn’t last long, as the Great Leader was, to put it mildly, an annoyance that grated on his feelings.
Mr Jinping’s smiled at his prophecy of Chinese-US relations. America would Grate Again.