Man Carries Out Comparison Study Of Airport Toilet Facilities

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 8 September 2018

image for Man Carries Out Comparison Study Of Airport Toilet Facilities
Phnom Penh: Toilets Hong Kong: Toilets Manchester: Bogs

A man travelling by air from Phnom Penh in Cambodia via Hong Kong to Manchester in England, has told how he carried out a comparison study of the toilet facilities in each of the three international airports.

First, Moys Kenwood, 55, cast his eyes over the toilet bowls in Phnom Penh, and found them "spotless".

"They were pristine," said the Englishman, adding, "You could have eaten your dinner out of them. Actually, I did! I dropped my sandwich, but I was so hungry, I picked it up and ate it. Unbelievably clean!"

Hong Kong was also complimented on its porcelain slopes, but Manchester did not fare quite so well.

"The toilets stunk of stale piss!" said Kenwood. "One of the bowls was full of excrement, and looked like it had been like that for some time past."

Next up were the hand-washing facilities at each of the three sites. Phnom Penh again scored highly.

"The sinks were a delight!" enthused Kenwood. "The water was hot, and ample scented soap was provided from non-contact dispensers."

Hong Kong again did well. "Everything was spotlessly clean, and the driers were those ones that you stick both hands into, and nearly get blown away in the galeforce blast that follows," said he.

Manchester, however, was on a different level.

"I reflected that, perhaps people in that part of England may not be accustomed to washing their hands. Indeed, at Ringway, conditions in general were such that, you probably would not want to bath a pig in there, if you had one," said Kenwood.

A man, whose luggage labels revealed he was travelling somewhere with British Airways, told anybody who would listen:


To round off the study, Kenwood looked at the 'Baggage Retrieval' systems in place at both Manchester and Phnom Penh. Whilst the latter were able to offload passengers' luggage within 15 minutes of the aircarft landing at PP, the facilities at Manchester were rather less efficient. Unhappy passengers had to wait more than 45 minutes to get their bags back, and 'chuntering' was heard. One woman was heard to grumble that:

"There's only one old bloke doing it. And he looks about 80."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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