Kim Jong Un agrees to nightclub gig in Singapore to help offset expenses of upcoming summit

Written by joseph k winter

Sunday, 3 June 2018

image for Kim Jong Un agrees to nightclub gig in Singapore to help offset expenses of upcoming summit
Mr. Kim's plaintive "why me, why me, baby" has moved audiences in the past.

Breaking: Mr. Kim Jong Un, President of North Korea, is working on ways to help defray expenses of the upcoming summit with US President Donald Trump.

Mr. Kim’s bill at The Fullerton Hotel, “a magnificent neoclassical hotel,” according to The Washington Post, runs a tab of $6,000 a night.

Complexities here include that Mr. Trump cannot pay the bill for Mr. Kim, due to the possibility the North Korean President would feel insulted.

Therefore, Singapore is being asked to foot the bill.

Not the least of his troubles, Mr. Kim has outdated transportation with a jet liner that cannot make the entire trip, due to its age.

These frugalities have come about due to Kim’s pouring all available monies into the nuclear weapons program, now North Korea’s central bargaining chip.

Normally, his own diet is rice and dandelion weeds three days a week.

However, he does supplement this diet somewhat from a special fund direct to Magnum Doubles Hazlenut ice cream cones.

This contract was cleared by the NSA last year.

Transportation problems may be solved by Mr. Lavrov, of Russia, who runs his own airline taxi service out of Moscow, although Secretary of Defense Mattis disapproves of this idea.

Mr. Lavrov guarantees his fleet of taxis is unarmed and can pick up Mr. Kim from China and whisk him to The Hotel Fullerton and back as a complimentary service to assist the talks.

Meanwhile, Mr. Kim is once again showing the engaging side of his personality.

Additional to more smiling, he has offered to do a nightclub gig in one of The Fullerton Hotel’s nightclubs, titled “Smiling Jane’s Boudoir.”

Mr. Kim is by now well known for his passion as nightclub performer, with original music and lyrics.

His “I’ve got the PNAC hustle blues, baby” number, recently causing great consternation and mystery for the CIA, was finally resolved as reference to America’s “project for a new American century” from the 1990’s.

Intoning “why not a PNKC, baby,” and his plaintive, “why me, why me” chorus have helped US and world intelligence agencies understand his long-range plans more clearly.

In review, his program involves first taking over South Korea, then moving on to seize and occupy the Hawaiian islands, and finally to arrive with formidable force at Malibu Beach.

In short, the old “domino theory” is alive and well in the interior blueprints and strategies of Mr. Kim as he seeks to move his country forward.

Mr. Trump is well aware of these intentions, but has said he will attend Mr. Kim’s performance at Hotel Fullerton, “in the interests of world leadership on this matter.”

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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