Hellfire Bank says sorry for ratting on pervs' secret accounts

Written by queen mudder

Sunday, 15 February 2015


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This gonna hurt me more that it hurt you, amigos

Gnomes of Zurich, Shitzerland - The CEO of fucked-up Hellfire Bank Zurich has groveled in pubic about grassing up dodgy clients' secret bank accounts.

Lord Hellfire of Mammon issued a heartfelt - ok, ok, a wallet-felt! - apology to 100,000 Z-Lister celebs who got caught in an Interpol trawl of perverts' secret dosh.

"i didn't get where I am today," Lord Hellfire explained "by snitching up to the taxman perfectly good money laundering schemes like ours, oh no."

The generous remarks come as a slew of lawsuits threatens to take Lord H and his grubby outfit to the cleaners in a punitive trillion dollar lawsuit at the Court of Human Frights.

International litigation attorneys Fang & Claw is bringing the class action on behalf of a motley ragbag of Ecuadorian cocaine dealers, pimps, arms dealers, etc.

And donors to the William Jefferson Clinton Mammorial Library in Little Cock, Arkansas.

Affidavits seen by QM-NewsCorpse reporters this weekend make ugly reading - so let's just skip them.

Apart from one deposition that says the Pope is hopping mad at having his Holiday Fund frozen by Hellfire Bank Holdings - on account of being six months in arrears with his pension plan.

Stay tuned for further Revelations as the Hellfire sleazebank continues to teeter on the verge of collapse.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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