Backbone rebuilding surgery and diplomatic pouch protection products emerging after Trump victory

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Thursday, 10 November 2016

image for Backbone rebuilding surgery and diplomatic pouch protection products emerging after Trump victory
Protection pouches available as "form hugging" and "explicit" with full protection guaranteed

A variety of new products has swiftly emerged following Mr. Trump's victory and are smoothing the way into the new presidency.

Medical experts have been concerned about candidates with the "nothing there" syndrome on repeated backbone tests.

The nothing there problem occurs when the medical expert's hand is passed back and forth across (a patient's) backbone with results of from .012 to .000 resistance.

"Imagine passing your hand back and forth through a column of air to no resistance whatever," the advertising runs.

"Strengthening surgery takes only five minutes per session in your doctor's office!"

Waffling from one position to another, according to what is politically correct (PC), or "bartering with illusion" to get a vote, relates to this "backbone problem" syndrome.

Mr. Trump himself is reported interested although has substantial backbone levels at this time (a "meaty" designation, according to some doctors' reports).

He is being advised toward this surgery over concern with the "I never said that" response, which lowers backbone resistance levels.

Will he stick with his positions--such as being friendly with Russia and other wild ideas--or "walk them backwards," which is another PC backbone no-no?

A bolstered backbone might assist Mr. Trump and his party through upcoming trials of sticking-to-your promises rhetoric in the new presidency.

Mr. Obama has already signed a contract to give personal testimonials on this new backbone re-building surgery.

Mr. Obama is considered the number one advertising role model for this new medical procedure.

As well-remembered by the electorate, his 2008 victory promised serious change from the Bush administration.

However, that led on to a whirling performance (several "silver toe" awards) and the "grand continuation" of Mr. Bush's accomplishments.

A stronger reading (up to around 2.14 levels) on his backbone recently showed some improvement with his "maybe in a few weeks" the Dakota Pipeline Morass could be eased.

On another note, additionally exciting, a new line of "pouch protection" products has emerged.

The "pouch protection" language is code PC for "get your crotch under wraps, just in case."

The new Pouch Protection line includes styles and colors for every gender and comes with special gold and mink features for Political Leaders or The Wealthy.

That is, wearing pouch protection (snidely referred to as a "jock strap" in some locales) guarantees protection against any event that might upset diplomatic negotiations.

An assailant would find his or her fingers ramming into "the equivalent of a cement wall."

Also, "electric shock models are available!"

The UK's Theresa May is reported interested as preparation for meetings with the new US president, as is Chancellor Merkel of Germany.

Even celebrities such as Kim Kardashian and Lady GaGa are being urged toward Pouch Protection, in reverse from "pouch celebration," in these tumultuous days.

Wal-Mart models (with faux gold and mink) will be available, including sizes for juniors.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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