Written by Rai Saad Khan

Monday, 15 August 2016

Men's rights activists greeted the news to ban burqinis in Cannes beach with chest-bumping and uncontrollable hooting.

"Hell yea", one such man screamed as he rocked his fists into the air.

The spokesperson for the pro-men 'Feminism-But-For-Men' group viewed the ruling as a historic moment. "This is a great victory for the right of men to be able to sexualize all women equally. No culture should be discriminated against. We are asking for the government to begin implementation immediately." When asked if the group was also celebrating the end of a symbol of female oppression, the spokesperson looked puzzled , and would only shake his head ardently in reply.

However, confusion quickly spread when it became apparent that police officers could not differentiate between a burqini and a wet suit. Speaking on the condition of anonymity, one man described his horrifying ordeal in dealing with law enforcers who viewed him as an Islamic extremist. "I can't believe I'm being victimized because of what I wear. This is unacceptable."

Cannes Police has promised to try harder to differentiate the wet suit from an "obvious symbol of Islamic extremism". Accepting their similarities, the chief police officer asserts that the burqini is still illegal as it is a symbol of female oppression, while the wetsuit is empowering. He believes that racial profiling will solve the problems in differentiating the two, as nothing else can.

Now, men's rights groups are re-evaluating their position on the burqini ban. " We are conducting a review of the ban on burqinis in light of allegations of unfair victimization of wet suit wearers. Everyone deserves the freedom to wear what they want."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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