Written by Insert Name Here

Thursday, 28 July 2016

image for God to step down, names Alexis Taylor of Hot Chip as successor

HEAVEN - God announced today in a press statement that he aimed to step down from the role of God.

He clarified that: "it's difficult being God, people don't really get that there's a lot to it, you know, unleashing fiery vengeance upon whores and adulterers, answering people's prayers and curing a young child's cancer because 100,000 people shared an image on Facebook. I just can't take it anymore!"

God also, in his parting address, named Alexis Taylor, lead singer of British electronic band Hot Chip, as his successor.

"He's definitely God material," God says. "When I first heard 'Huarache Lights' and 'Motion Sickness' I thought 'Me, this guy's better than I am! It's only fair to let him ascend to his natural position."

Not everyone is happy with the outcome, however, with Bono demanding to know why God "hath foresaken him" recalling that God once, on a drunken night out in Dublin, promised him that he would be His successor. God counteracted this statement by just naming "Get On Your Boots", a track from U2's 2011 album No Line on the Horizon, and dismissing Bono's proposals as "libelous and blasphemous".

Mr Taylor is yet to comment on his ascension to God, but we're hopeful, when he does, it will be witty and insightful. Please, God!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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