Study Finds that Americans are exposed to Dangerous Levels of Stupidity from the News

Written by DontCallMeShirley

Tuesday, 21 June 2016


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Scientists Studying Stupidity

A recent Harvard study shows that Americans are exposed to five times the recommended level of stupidity when they tune into mainstream media broadcasts. The findings show that watching the news has extremely damaging consequences such as decreased IQ and increased willingness to put up with Congress's bullshit.

The damage to Americans' brain function has been so severe that Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are currently the leading candidates for the presidency this fall.

Scientists have long known that alcohol and other substance abuses can kill brain cells. However they were stunned to find out that watching an hour of Fox News a day is as harmful to the brain as smoking copious amounts of crack every day.

Head scientist Reese Urcher explained, "Watching the anchors on Fox or CNN sensationalize some bullshit and blow everything out of proportion has a tremendous affect on the cerebral cortex, which is the area of the brain responsible for decision making and problem solving. Basically this overflow of bullshit to the brain inhibits it from rational thinking."

We reached out to CNN, otherwise known as Crisis News Network, but they declined to comment on the story. They said they were busy preparing a story on the next highly unlikely potential disaster that could scare the shit out of America.

Fox also didn't respond to our accusations of hurting people's brains, but they did report breaking news that some bullshit is in fact happening somewhere.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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