Written by K.C. Bell

Thursday, 28 April 2016

image for Canadian Ted Cruz Called Lucifer In The Flesh
He's my guy!

While the last best hope of stopping Donald Trump's run for the White House was defined as "Lucifer in the flesh," by former House Majority leader John Boehner, Mr. Boehner added, (as though calling him 'Lucifer in the flesh' wasn't bad enough) "He's a son of a bitch!"

Now this kind of lingo might be okay language at the corner bar or a liquor joint or a men's outhouse, but said words were spoken within the sacred walls of the intellectual and scholastic grounds of Stanford University, a place honored for having won the most Nobel Prizes - ever. Beating UC Berkeley at football practically always, (Anyone seen the bear lately?) and once upon a time having John McEnroe as a student.

So Lucifer sent an email to John Boehner, taking offence at the comparison, calling it a slur on his reputation, and promised that unless Boehner wanted to meet him in hell, Boehner had better take back the Ted Cruz/Lucifer comparison! You hear?

Editor's note: Lucifer sends emails?

Always. Every time a computer crashes, it's an email from Lucifer.

Being a stubborn individual, (think of how long he remain Speaker of the House and insisted his name was pronounced Bayner) Boehner sent a two-word reply. "Hell no!"

The east coast computer grid crashed lasting 666 minutes.

Donald Trump was silent with no tweeter feed and unable to stomp into the fray in order to blame Hillary for being a woman and causing this tiff with Lucifer. "You know women…"

With the grid off, planes circled over JFK. Broadway was darkened. CNN went blank. Anderson Cooper sat down and had his first latte - ever.

Bernie Sanders stepped up and promised Lucifer a full scholarship at Harvard, healthcare coverage and a free Buick if he reactivated the grid. Sanders hair turned green.

"Guess that's a no."

Taking the high ground, Ted Cruz ignored Boehner's comparison to Lucifer, and embarked upon a lame metaphor about his race for the White House. Echoing Churchillian tones, Cruz described a basketball game as won by scoring the most touchdowns.

"Bravo," said Lucifer.

The grid was reactivated.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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