"Nonsense," scoffed President Donald Trump in response to widely-circulating rumors that he may be the Antichrist. “Granted, I may be a little abrasive, but I’m not the Antichrist.” “Or Satan,” he clarified. The rumors that Trump could in fact...
"Hail, Satan!" exclaimed the British parliament when it approved a plan to have a Satanic monument placed outside the parliament. The Satanic Temple of London has placed the historical display outside the parliament building, joining the Christmas...
Despite the death sentence imposed on him in a fatwa issued by the Pope, our fearless Religion Editor, Paxton Quigley, continues his exposés of the contradictions and stupidities of blind faith. In this occasional series he explains some typographical errors, omissions and mistranslations from the bible. "Get thee behind me, Satan." It is well-known that there are gospels missing from the bible...
Back in the eighties, every book publisher was searching for the new Stephen King. Of these forgotten pretenders, John Psepsis was surely the most prolific, sometimes churning out a new chiller every month. Of his fellow author, King had this to say: “Gosh wow, Psepsis writes better horror than anyone. Except me, of course. And certainly, I’m a lot richer than him. A whole lot richer. I should kno...
A man in New Jersey has told how he tricked the Devil in a contractual arrangement, whereby the Dark Lord agreed to grant the man's wish to bed a woman he desired, in return for his sole - not his soul. Barry Grime from Trenton had had designs on...
Washington, D.C. August 29, 2018. White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders played down reports that President Trump’s visit to Hell had been cancelled. “It’s just been rescheduled,” Sanders said, and played down reports that Satan was re...
In a candid one-on-one interview, Satan, the prince of darkness and ruler of all seven circles of Hell, confirmed that he is uncomfortable with the overwhelming success he’s acheived in the realm of mortals. While his influence had always been preval...
The CEO of the underworld released a short statement this morning: I hereby announce my resignation, not because I've done anything wrong, mind you, but because my work here is done. My bucket list for the world is complete. They say it's best...
What was originally reported as a geological event has been confirmed as a deliberate action taken by the Prince of Darkness. Satan has confirmed that the sink hole on White House property is actually a direct access point to Hell. "Donny was c...
In a big win for the church of Satan, the Supreme Court ruled on Monday in favor of Trinity Lutheran Church v. Comer, the Church's case against the state of Missouri. The case involved discrimination by the state in giving out publicly funded grants.
[Associated Press, Washington, D.C. The reclusive being popularly know as Satan, a/k/a Lucifer, Shaitan, etc., etc., gave a rare interview today in which he scored various of the world's leaders.] AP: Mr. Satan, thank . . . SAT: Just "Satan," will do. AP: Well, thank you, Satan, for making time to speak with us. Tell us about your recent report in which you scored some of the world's lead...
New York, NY The Times Financial Editor wrote that he had been observing on the floor of the New York Stock Exchange, when he was surprised the see the Prince of Darkness, Satan himself, on the floor making a number of trades. Although most of th...
In the Spanish town of Bembibre, in the north-western Castile and Leon region a "Fast-Food" gang of thieves raided the local El Carmen restaurant, devoured 10000 Euros worth of food and drink, then disappeared as fast as they had come! Spanish res...
Black Sabbath have said goodbye to their global fans for the final time in Birmingham, UK, where they originated from. During the performance Ozzy Osbourne admitted to his geriatric following; "I man not the fucking Prince of Darkness, just a born...
After she checked out of McGillicutty Surgical Hospital in Dillonshire, England, Cortana met this reporter for an ale and to talk about her recent transformation. "Well, there's always been this, I guess--feminine part of me, you know I always wondered how things would have gone if I had been female, so after an eternity as a male I decided to see what life is like as a woman. And get the name...
Jesus found himself in the news again, this time in Birmingham, Alabama, the cradle of the Civil Rights movement. The Savior vowed to stand by His "people" until the "White Devils," as he called them, stopped physically harassing them as they did at...
Lucifer, Satan, The Devil, The Deceiver, The Prince of Darkness, Azazel, Beelzebub or even Dick Cheney - whatever you choose to call him, the leader of the Legions of Darkness has come here to say one simple thing: "Please, call me Lu. Everyone calls...
Clinton Estate - According to our anonymous source, who wishes to be known only as "Bill", Hillary has been secluding herself in the basement where she has collected all her witches equipment: Broom with extra thick handle, black candles made from th...
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