A closely kept secret has been unveiled by a man who should know, Lucifer himself. Speaking to us earlier, Lucifer who now calls himself Derek said 'For years I have been putting every sin everyone has committed into Cadbury's Creme Eggs. That is…
Doctors all over the world are reporting that patients who have been fully vaccinated against COVID are developing unusual scars on their foreheads and right hands. Puzzled, many have appealed to experts in other fields to offer their opinions as to…
In a world of crime fiction, where some of it is solved by Clergymen, such as Father Brown, Grantchester, and the one that will feature Ross Kemp as a hard as nails Lay-Preacher in Cockney Wonder, Devil Won't Care is set to turn the world of cosy cri…
The headline read: A Pro-Covid Congresswoman Encourages Crowds To Greet Vaccine Door Knockers With Guns What the protein does that mean? Who the protein could be Pro-COVID? Greet vaccine door knockers with guns? Isn’t it against the law to enc…
In news that will have most people questioning why they were unable to see it all along, it's been alleged that Father Christmas, the benevolent old man who delivers millions of gifts to children all over the world every December 25, has an alter-ego…
In sensational news, this morning, it's been announced that the Dark Lord Satan has been discovered living - in all places - on the prison colony island of Cayenne in French Guiana - commonly known as Devil's Island. The island has not been used a…
The Prince of Darkness shocked the press corps this morning by announcing that, "The deal is off! I don't want it. It's worthless. I was duped!" "I promise him all the power in the world. All the money in the world. In exchange, I was to receive...
For the first time in recent memory, Satan appeared in public without his devilish goatee. His Evilness—clean shaven and wearing cutoff jeans, a hoodie, and Blackspot Adbusters—was recognized by Helen Gunderssonn, lifestyle editor for the Minneapolis...
"Not that I ever would," said Nate Bailey of Nashville, Tennessee, regarding the prospect of selling his soul to Satan, "but I'd kind of like to know what they're going for these days." Again emphasizing that doing a deal with the devil is not an...
Tired of hearing your heathen friends whine about science and organized religion while completely ignoring your warnings about hell? Well, here are six ways guaranteed to get those smooth-talking tricksters off their game. Why six? Because if yo...
While never pleasant, climate experts report that hell is becoming all but uninhabitable due to global warming. "People there are having an even tougher time than usual," said underworld reporter David Cohan. "Poor souls!" Cohan stated, too, th...
"I may not have the greatest reputation," said Satan, "but when my name is mentioned, do you immediately think 'pedophilia'? Of course not! And to think the Catholic Church is trying to demonize me." Hurt by its fateful decision to limit the Trini...
Love him or hate him, the British comedian, actor, radio host, TV presenter, author, and activist, Russell Brand is hot property in entertainment circles, but is there something sinister lurking in his background? Brand has always been controversi...
Railing against the highly popular debate technique named for him, the Devil’s Advocate himself issued a stern warning to would-be players seeking to temporarily take on his identity for the sake of making a point. “The devil don’t play or get pla...
"Nonsense," scoffed President Donald Trump in response to widely-circulating rumors that he may be the Antichrist. “Granted, I may be a little abrasive, but I’m not the Antichrist.” “Or Satan,” he clarified. The rumors that Trump could in fact...
"Hail, Satan!" exclaimed the British parliament when it approved a plan to have a Satanic monument placed outside the parliament. The Satanic Temple of London has placed the historical display outside the parliament building, joining the Christmas...
Despite the death sentence imposed on him in a fatwa issued by the Pope, our fearless Religion Editor, Paxton Quigley, continues his exposés of the contradictions and stupidities of blind faith. In this occasional series he explains some typographical errors, omissions and mistranslations from the bible. "Get thee behind me, Satan." It is well-known that there are gospels missing from the bible...
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