Vladimir Putin has been granted Russia's most prestigious civil award, the Stalin Truth Award. The Stalin Truth Award recognises Russians who most consistently don't tell the truth. The Award Panel, coincidentally comprising 7 members of Mr Putin's family plus the sole surviving relative of the Russian royal family, Count de Bulletholesinmycorpseski, voted unanimously for Mr Putin this week from their luxury mansion in the Kremlin.
A spokesman for the award panel made the announcement. "Vladimir Putin, possibly his real name, Olympic Buk missile operator, Liberator of the Ukraine, 18th dan black belt bare back horse rider and Formula 1 food bulldozer driver has been awarded our highest honour. From a large field of seriously lying bastards, all of whom have recently mysteriously disappeared, died of radioactive poisoning, or jailed themselves, Alexander Putin stands out from the crowd of one left standing"
The trembling spokesman went onto say "Mr Putin has the most consistent track record of lying in the whole Russian Empire. For years he has lied about his age, lied about his height and weight, lied about the size of his penis and where he puts it, lied about small Russian incursions over various sovereign borders and in general has lied about his lies. He has even lied to himself and then lied about lying to himself. He truly is a world class liar and currently holds the world record for telling the biggest lie whilst snorting 100 proof vodka. Stalin would have been proud of him and we look forward to many more years of high quality lies from our great leader... and that's no lie, which is a problem"