'Moscow - President Vladimir Putin is shooting up doses of One-Shot-Miracle-Drainbusta fluid to put lead back in his pencil a Kremlin handwriting expert said today.
Flagging testosterone levels and a plummeting Rouble had seen Vlad lose his 'Impaler' moniker dwindle away.
Fortunately some World Stealth Organization-tested fat berg-busting fluid arrived just in time at the Bloodyvostock Sanatorium where Putin has been convalescing following a bout of congenital penis envy.
Unconfirmed reports this morning said the sexagenarian ex-KGB thug had been seen at breakfast still sporting a humongous erection and a pained, purplish-faced look three days after taking his initial dose.
Asked about the nature of his daft predicament the President said, 'Damn Bolsheviks have taken over at The Spoof'.