Lugano, Switzerland - The Russian president has been spotted lecturing at the Happy Bye-Byes euthanasia clinic symposium about end-of-days solutions for political foes.
Putin is thought to be negotiating a termination package for rival Kremlin mobsters averse to open street drive-by shootings as part of their official retirement options.
Politicians, oligarchs and jumped-up altar boys of the Russian Orthodox church will all be encouraged to choose from the clinic's custom-built packages.
These include burial in the International Space Station's necrophilia suite.
His colleague the Russian PM Dim-Eatery Medvedev has been tipped as one of the first to book himself in to the Lugano facility following an unfortunate recent spate of 'amateurish' Moscow 'suicides'.
Patriarch Kiril, head of the Russian Orthodox Church and Putin's former wingman at the KGB, is also in the frame for the Swiss clinic booking after fucking up badly the Church's offshore dollar accounts.
Commenting on the QM-NewsCorpse headlines a Kremlin spokesperson said, 'What crap!' - as per usual.
Roman Abramovich's homeopathetic therapisst is only five foot two.
