75 year-old regular drinker 'vanishes' as guerilla demolition razes historic London pub

Funny story written by queen mudder

Thursday, 9 April 2015

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Somewhere underneath all that...

London - North London's Jamaican community is gobsmacked after a patron of some 40 years at a North London boozer was declared missing - presumed pissed - when a hysteric pub in Kilburn was suddenly demolished without permission this morning.

Jeremiah Weedfellow, 69, native of Kingston, was last seen glued to a bar stool at the Carlton Tavern in London NW6 downing Hennessy doubles and Red Stripe sides.

Worried local drinkers fear the Jamaican-born regular may still have been propping up the bar when three unauthorised bulldozers struck at dawn.

"We found a Bob Marley bobble hat in the rubble," local aromatherapisst Mavis Bong-Chilla told reporters, "sure looks like the one Jeremiah wore on Wednesday night."

Nobody, least of all pub management, staff or drinkers, had been informed in advance that the 250 year-old tavern was to be razed to rubble in a property development blitz.

Passersby were left looking gobsmacked as two bulldozers tore into Carlton Tavern in Carlton Vale destroying its entire shell and contents.

Including 20 barrells of lager, a 50" widescreen TV, two pool tables, a darts board 'and Jeremiah Weedfellow' if reports are to be believed.

A wake will be held at the nearby Bong Bar & Sheesha Garden this evening at nearby Brondesbury Park.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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