Irish fighting mad over pub closing

Written by Gee Pee

Sunday, 31 August 2014


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RUB-A-DUB-DUBLIN, IRELAND, THE EMERALD ISLE -- Oil Can Mary's, a popular pub in Rub-a-Dub-Dublin's gay district, has been closed "until further notice," an act that has enraged the establishment's regular patrons.

"Two micks are killed, and I have to do without me ale?" Patrick O'Day cried in his beer. "What's this world coming to?"

The double shooting occurred as gunmen opened fire on the tavern.

"We don't know why," police admitted. "Probably, it was over some man's man."

Two victims, Adam, 19, and Steve, 20, were taken to St. Vincent's Hospital, for treatment of wounds they received during the drive-by.
Both men maintain that they are "not queers."

"We just like to see how the other half lives," Adam said.

"But I'm not wearing me low-riders to a place like Mary's anymore," Steve declared. "Showing too much of your bum in a place like that's just asking for trouble."

The shooting, patrons of the pub suggest, "Have little to do with being queer and a lot to do with being in the wrong place at the wrong time."

"The shooters are homophobic," one patron explained. "They don't like us giving or getting head, even if it's on an ale."

The pub's owner suggests that his customers "lay low" for a while. When the pub opens again, "drinks will be on the house, and, as usual, there will be plenty of parking in the rear."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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