Jaggedone's CIA reporter gets crushed by Ukrainian separatist tank but manages to get his report out before Putin gives him a bullet in the head, and here it is:
Brave, star Georgian CIA reporter and ex-Russian Roach-Spy in Afghanistan, Vladimir Vodkapissartistov-Fitzgerald (RIP) (he was raped by an American roach, hence the name at the end) died bravely under a Ukrainian separatist tank rolling towards Malta, no sorry Yalta! He managed to scribble somëthing under the boot of a limbless Ukrainian hag who also got crushed by the tank and somehow the report got back to CIA HQ after being filmed by a passing US drone.
"Russia is pumping the eastern Ukraine full with weapons and the Germans, Brits, and US are scratching their balls attempting not to upset Mr Putin (alias Adolf). Allied forces will meet at the weekend in a desperate attempt to remove all the labels off their weapons, re-label them in North Korean and blame Kim Jong-un for interfering and causing WW3 and an acopalytical end to the world as we know it; brilliant plan!"
A very sad Jaggedone and his right hand Major Tom, Dick and Harry have sent condolences to Vladimir's family telling them he did not die in vain after exposing the evil, expansion plans of Putin & Co! We also wish to thank Putin for putting our brave CIA reporter out of his misery; just to balance out our opinion on the whole crisis (Who knows who will win this one and we do not want to be on the wrong side!)
More as we get it (if we can)!