WASHINGTON, DC - US President Barack Obama issued an executive order today, directing all US drivers to switch to the left side.
The executive order states that the switch will be implemented gradually, so Americans are not shocked, but will continue to be amazed.
Unwed gay couples will drive on the left during odd months (January, March, May, etc.), while Hispanics, African Americans and Indigenous Americans will drive on the left during even months (February, April, June, etc.). Bisexuals will be allowed to drive in either lane. All other drivers must apply for "driving-direction permits", using form US315742B, which can be obtained next year at local post offices on Wednesday afternoons and Friday mornings.
Many believe that Mr. Obama issued the order as a political ploy, in order to grease the skids for the upcoming 2016 elections. It is no secret that Mr. Obama is backing liberal Senator Elizabeth Warren, and this move will ensure that more Americans are on the left side when the election is held next year.