New products for Ebola scare proposed plus additional restrictions and theories

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Monday, 3 November 2014

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A new company named KRAP Inc. has stepped forward to take action in the Ebola crisis.

KRAP Inc. (Kaci Risks and Preventions) maintains it is responding in the spirit of Salem in the 1690's, Senator McCarthy in the 1950's, and the anthrax scare on 2001, which followed right after 9/11.

At that time, the Bush-Cheney administration recommended the nation cover its houses with protective canvas, stock up the refrigerator, and remain sequestered for the following weeks or months, as needed.

In background for today, Ebola is transmitted only by contact with the bodily fluids of someone infected.

The controversy has recently focused on Ms. Kaci Hickox, a specialist in recognizing and treating the disease.

Ms. Hickox has tested negative via blood sample plus has no symptoms. She is diagnosed healthy.

On returning to the US after assisting health workers in West Africa she was confined to a quarantine tent then her home.

Her resistance to what she considered "irrational imprisonment" inflamed the public. Internet blogs exploded with invective. She has been reviled as "selfish," "stupid," and "criminally inclined."

Some have called this reaction "rabid hysteria" in the face of scientific evidence which shows she is not infected.

A judge last Friday cleared her for "non-congregative" activities, such as jogging or bike riding. She has also consented to regular monitoring and reporting her movements and activities to health authorities.

Then KRAP Inc. stepped forward with gusto to offer absolute protection for anyone concerned about contracting the disease.

KRAP advertising states "with all due respect to medical science" that the only guarantee to remain safe is the "full medical body suit" now available at introductory prices.

This kit includes--

*complete body coverage with heavy yellow plastic
*entire head covering
*breathing filter nodule
*rubber boots

The assemblage weighs only fourteen pounds and, for complete satisfaction, must be worn at all times including in bed at night.

KRAP has also recommended the following civic actions:

*Following Bush-Cheney advice from 2001, quarantine your family to stay home. Seal the windows, bar the doors.

*Anyone from Africa whether recently (53 arrive daily), or up to 40 years ago, should be immediately confined for further analysis.

*Passengers and flight crew traveling with Ms. Hickox on her return from West Africa should be confined.

*Extend confinement from 21 days to at least three months or (even better) six months.

*Governor Christie should be confined for an indefinite period until it's clear his association with Ms. Hickox did not lead to contamination.

*That is, there is no way of knowing whether someone who has been in proximity to the disease may be carrying it metaphysically.

*Attention from that person, particularly hostile attention, could release microbes like tiny missiles traveling vast distances, even if the bearer is unconscious of this power!

*If Ms. Hickox persists in resisting further, deportation to Antarctica may be a good idea!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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